Well this is depressing...

It's going to be a lovely Tour, I think.

So that leaves... Leipheimer? Yeah... think so.

R.I.P. Bruno

According to BBC.com, Bruno the bear has finally been shot and killed. Rest in Peace, Bruno buddy. Hope those 25 sheep and four goats were worth it.

There is a bit of a scandal going on about the authorization to shoot the bear. In my unwanted and unnecessary opinion, sad as it is, I think it was a good decision. The bear showed no fear of humans, was raiding residential areas, and how much longer would it take before Bruno decided to try his hand at human instead of goat?

Bruno on bbc.

What? Has no one here seen Grizzly Man? Don't mess with bears. It took them weeks to try and capture it alive, to no avail, and I'm amazed they let it go on that long. But he was a cute lil' fuzzy bear. Aw :(

Wait... what...?

So I was surfing BBC when I came upon this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/5116004.stm

Sooooooo... let me get this straight.
The town wants to rename itself after the town in the novel which Garcia-Marquez (got it right this time, Ardilla, :P ) was using as basically the model for what NOT to do with your country. A town founded on incest and exile, cursed from the beginning, isolated, backwards (in many senses), ravaged by war, foreigners, bananas, and young girls who eat dirt; a town whose one redeeming characteristic (supposedly) was taken into the sky because she was just "too beautiful" to live there, is abandoned by its residents, and whose fate is to be wiped off the map for the accumulated sins against humanity, nature, and life in general.
... and they want to name their town after that?

Maybe I misread the whole thing, but I was under the impression that Macondo was a more negative reference than a positive one, so why in the world would you want to name your town after what is probably the worst place to live in the literary imagination (next to that house in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre... not the sorta-kinda-scary 90's version, but the really creepy 70's one. You know where the grandpa is really decrepit and he's sucking blood from that girl's finger in that weird black out scene, and you're left wondering "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON", but the movie never explains it except their canibal redneck Texans... Okay, maybe not THAT bad)?
Tourism is one thing. But this... wow... I just don't get this.

I guess it goes to show that if there's anything worse than one hundred years of solitude, it would be hundred years without tourism.
"For those nations condemned to one hundred years without Japanese and US tourists, will perish from the earth." Something to that effect.

I've got an idea. Maybe we should rename the city Dallas after that really silly soap opera back in the 80's that took place here. That one where they shoot JR...
oh.. wait... that was actually called "Dallas." Yeah... I did not think that one through.

Blame it on the cable guy...

So the cable guy has finally arrived and I am writing my first blog from the new apartment. Awesome. To celebrate, let's see some pictures:

Here is my sweet room. Notice the awesome rug that covers the nasty carpet underneath (courtesy of my roommate's butterfingers and a Dr. Pepper mishap that went unwashed... carpet cleaners... please get here soon).

See if you can find these items: The Macro Qual for 2006. Jackalope slippers, a KU ID card, a 2 Euro piece from France (or rather, Spain, where I got it as change), SouthPark DVDS, a very inappropriately placed bottle of Spray 'n Wash Stain Stick (hint: it's Green), and bike gloves.

And now something even better. My sweet ride in the mornings and in the background, the bass.
Notice the missing half of a drink holder on the frame of the bike. That is why I no longer wear long pants while riding a bike. That hurt when it snagged my khakis and broke off, and the guy in the car behind me wasn't too happy when it beaned hood of his car. Nothing too bad though.

See if you can find: a lint roller, a Jayhawk, a bike tire inflater, my study schedule, and the book I've borrowed from my roommate.

And now for the bare living room.

See if you can spot:
Butters, a fork, a pen cap, and one of the many reasons why I cannot wait until we renew the lease and get a free carpet cleaning.

Finally, what you've all been waiting for... or rather... what I've been waiting for... ever since I left home originally for Freshmen year at KU:
Sweet merciful crap!
THAT BLURRY MIRAGE OF SALVATION AND WONDER BEFORE ME IS... IT'S... A WASHING MACHINE AND DRIER!

Okay, the photo is blurry... but here's one that isn't:

See that? Eh? Eh? Loose change. Quarters! Enough to buy a happy meal... oh yeah.

So uh... I've done a lot of cleaning, and got the cable installed today... only went in briefly to meet with my macro prof to get some questions answered. Will do work tonight. But not much. Will probably review the macro quals and finals to make sure I'm up to speed still on all the equations. I'll just blame it on the cable guy.

"Hump Day"

So it's Wednesday. A day known worldwide by bitter, over-weight secretaries, who live with four or five cats and whose idea of an exciting Friday night is "a quiet evening with the most recent New York Times Best Seller" as Hump Day (my days as a receptionist are sadly not yet completely forgotten). Metaphorically speaking, if the work-week were a hill, Wednesday would be the crest, and once you conquer this symbolic "hump" it's all downhill from here. Sort of like the Black Eyed Peas carreer (in a bad way). For the sake of sanity though, let's not distract ourselves with that torturous "hump" (a song that makes my eyes want to bleed). This milestone weekday however has special meaning for me this summer, not only for this week, but for the rest of the time up to the qualifier.

By the end of today I'll have finished the complete outline for Micro I, and will have completed all of the Dynamic Programming section for Macro II. This means that after today I'll be trading the Micro I/Macro II (part that I passed/part that I didn't pass) for Macro I/Micro II (part that I passed/ part that I didn't pass) studying for the next two weeks.

Actually got up and exercised on the path today. Was very nice. Overcast sky at 6:50 AM in Dallas, TX, plus trees, a lake, and several fitness areas all to myself. A good morning. I obviously haven't run in a very long time. Too bad it has to be finished by Micro.
Thinking about checking out the pool tonight or tomorow.

And to answer a few comments:
Yeah, you should probably wait to restart a blog. It is missed though.
Yes it was funny. You should do something from jolly old England if you have time.
Hm... where can I find a laxative and a needle able to penetrate a pop can without leaving too large a hole?

Internet Explorer Ruins My Post... again.

Well I had a more detailed update on my progress, but in order to spell check I had to temporarily allow pop-ups. And when Internet Explorer does that, for some reason, it CLEARS OUT ALL THE TEXT THAT I JUST WROTE.

God, I hate this web browser. Really need to get internet at my apartment so I can go back to using Firefox.

Anyway:
Macro II going well. Almost done with all the old exam and qual questions and things are going much more quickly and easily. Meeting with him on Thursday, and again on Monday before he heads out for his long trip.

I've done everything we covered in the Micro I class, and moving on to the section we had to make-up lectures for (but was still in the quals). Will soon start camping outside of Deb's office to make sure I get all the old test and qual questions done well.

My Macro I and Micro II profs will probably get this as early as Thursday of next week.

I would say if I took the quals now, I would pass the Macro II portion this time, with no question about it. Although I have to review the Macro I section and make sure I remember those.
Micro is still the iffy one, just because I need to go over the tests more.

I have a bait Dr. Pepper in the fridge with a note: "NO TOUCHY!!!" Let's see if he goes for it. Although I like Ardilla's suggestion for a note a little better: "I know what you did this summer..." Which while hip and threatening, may send the wrong intensity. I just want my caffeine fix to be secure. That's all. :P

Other than that, borred out of my skull and wishing I could actually apply some of this theory as opposed to just studying it.... over... and over... and over...

Apology for any spelling errors as if I run spell check I will apparently lose all the text. Enjoy.

Give and Take

Amazing how so much of this life is give and take.
Let me start with the easiest of these that I had to deal with yesterday.

Imagine my surprise this morning, while surfing the web of my dear alma-mater to see a few very familiar things pop up. Six new Fulbrights. Hey, good for them. Fulbright ideas are always pretty interesting, so I decided to pop in, see if anyone I knew had gotten it (my favorite Latin American Studies prof. was an expert at getting her departmental students these) and I started reviewing the descriptions. Right off the bat, that very first description seemed awfully familiar to me. In fact I could swear that I thought it up a year or two ago while in a Latin American Studies class studying ciudades nuevos -the slums outside of cities in Latin America- (for a better description see the movie "City of God" about Brazilian suburbs).
I looked at the name, and after a few seconds of a "WTF" (what the ****?) moment realized that yes... indeed. I did think of that idea more than a year ago. In fact, I thought of the idea, the place, and suggested them both in passing conversation to this person while our relationship and friendship were on the outs. Yes, that's right... I gave away a successful Fulbright Scholarship idea to my ex.
A google search later, I actually found the resume, and proposed research study. Very well developed, connected to a local charity group for grounding, taken to a new direction that I wouldn't have done (I would've looked at the economic and social view of it), and cleaned up probably by two or three advising profs. But the basis was the same. That basis which I was told, by the this same person back then, was a silly idea, couldn't be developed, and would probably not make an interesting addition to the scholarly world, especially not in her department, the most hallowed and "demanding" of all studies (I guess the Fulbright committee disagreed). But let's move on to the more important topic here: me.
So about ten minutes of shock, anger, ego-boosting (hey if I can come up with a Fulbright idea off-the-cuff that works once, I can do it again), acceptance, and finally amusement, later I have a good conversation with my brother and an old friend from KS (who's first comment was, "this proposal has your fingerprints all over it") about it, and life goes on. Oh well. I didn't polish it, I didn't develop it or go to professors for help on it. I just suggested it. Fair game. But still... deserves a happy-dance that I'm just that smart. Maybe these crack-pot ideas of mine have some worth after all.
In a related topic: I will now be selling Fulbright ideas to anyone who is interested. Please send me your department and interests, and I'll have a thesis for you by the end of two weeks. The full development will of course be left up to you. All for the low price of $250 (hey, you're getting a few thousand in scholarships from it. I just want dinner money so I can make more roast chicken and rice to eat while studying in the basement).

And now a slight more emotionally jarring, but brief, experience of give and take.
I bought a twelve pack of Dr. Pepper to put in the basement. I started noticing after a couple days the numbers were a little less then my counts when I left the fridge. My first thought was maintenance. They're the only other people with access tot he basement carrel, but they always seem to have their own food and drinks. Why would they steal mine?
Then yesterday, as I was taking a small computer break, I saw one of the fifth years walk in. We chatted a bit, joked around, and then I noticed he had a Dr. Pepper. ... my Dr. Pepper. I remembers my count this morning was two left. Not wanting to immediately accuse the fifth year without proof, we went on. He made no mention of where he got the Dr. Pepper, or that I was drinking a can with the exact same Hum-vee offer on it that his had. He just kept smiling with, what is commonly referred to in English as a "$#!%-eating-grin", and after a while I went back downstairs. Sure enough... one Dr. Pepper left. Bastard.
My Dr. Pepper is now safely locked in my desk, though luke warm. Serves me right for leaving it in the fridge where people can steal it. And shame on me for suspecting those nice maintenance folks.
I can always think up new Fulbright ideas... but I will never get those Dr. Peppers back.

Finally, and most importantly, that all important give and take between the people you love and those pesky irritants of life that get in the way.
I was having dinner with K and a couple other Indian students last night, and we were discussing the quals, the fact that I had to take them again, and how to best study for them. K suggested that I actually not go to my own sister's wedding to have more time to study. To which I angrily (maybe a little too angrily) told him that I was not going to miss my sister's wedding and I was offended at the suggestion of it. And then he proceeded to actually try and defend his position on it. Sure. One last chance to pass the quals, and one family member's wedding. That's not a hard decision for me, and I'm a little shocked that it's hard for K, considering he has a brother as well. But it brings to mind the things that I've sacrificed and overlooked for this program, and it makes me wonder how much more I'm going to be asked for it.
I didn't get as much time with la Ardilla, something that makes me a lot more happy and of sane-mind then studying. I forgot (until the last minute) my own mother's birthday, and didn't get her present sent until the night before. I also forgot Father's Day. I'm missing a friend's wedding in Tulsa, and I'm probably going to miss another friend's wedding in Tulsa. And it's not that these things are being taken from me that bothers me, it's that I'm giving them. Almost too easily. And it's expected, and even accepted even by the people that I love. Obviously there's oppurtunity cost to everything, and I can do both. I can get the PhD and spend time with people, if I budget wisely. But the give and take of it all is frustrating.
Apparently I do have a lot to give (other than Dr. Pepper), which makes me happy. Makes me feel useful. But at the same time how much should I take? How much should I give of which? What shouldn't I give at that? Obviously not the Dr. Pepper, but is the world of academia really so cut-throat and deceptive that people you trust at the time will take as much as they can and run with it?

wait... duh. Yeah. Of course it is. *sigh* Such is life.
Well back to the basement for me. Need to protect my stash, lash out at any economics-obsessed grad students who think I shouldn't go to my sister's wedding (idiots. Love you guys, seriously... but you're idiots), and think up more crack pot ideas that have no use what-so-ever... except that they do.

Hm... I sound a little bitter in this post still. :) .... I really wanted those Dr. Peppers too...

Almost halfway there...

So the great outlining for the Micro chapters is nearly done for Micro I.
I've gotten through almost all of Ch.3 which I'll finish off tonight and start on Ch. 5 tomorrow. Then I start the outline for Micro II, and work on a few problems from the tests from Micro I.

Done with Dynamic Programming for the most part in Macro II as well. Just have to keep reviewing it so I'm very ready for the next test. Starting on Linear Rational Expectations models. Will have to corner my Macro II prof. about that on Monday, but I'll have to go through a bit more on Sunday first.

My roommate has gone back to Tulsa this weekend for band practice, and I watched Rashomon for the second time. I first saw it (though only the last half) when I was in Lawrence. Good movie. Even better when you see it all the way through. Favorite quote:
"Even the demon who lived here at Rashomon is said to have fled in fear of the ferocity of man." The movie is basically about deceit, murder, theft... all the things that make for an interesting tale. I also liked the way he shot the rain and the forrest. Very nice. All the things that are much more interesting than Economics at this point.

Other than that I've been getting up about 8 or 9. Getting back from the department at about 8 or 9. Several internet breaks in between to check the World Cup scores and talk to la ardilla on Yahoo. Fun stuff.

To do:
Get suit for sis' wedding.
Clean room.

Skwiki / Squeaky

Okay, so for some reason I only took three pictures while in Juarez. Guess I was just having too much fun. :) Here are 2/3 of them:

El gran cazador, matando a su victima:
















Usually he'd go for the socks or toes instead of the fingers.

And of course, la ardilla bonita (whose fingers are being bitten in the last picture):


















Awwww...

Apparently my name idea for the dog has stuck. Skwiki / Squeaky seems to work. Where did this name come from? Why did they not go with probably the more apt name of "pi-pi"? Well, I was trying to get the dog to calm down and stop biting my socks, so I put him on my lap. This of course freaked the dog out instead. So I finally let go of him (after many of his attempts to chew on my fingers), and he stood up, looked at the floor. Looked at me. Looked at the floor. And decided to jump it.
His balance had not quite adjusted yet, and while he did land on his feet, he didn't quite stick the landing. So all four paws went out, and he knocked his chin on the floor, letting out a "YIPE!" But it sounded more like a squeak. So I started calling him squeaky.
Now if only the whole family will adopt it... muajajaja. No matter. Forever in my mind, he is Skwiki.

Funday, bloody funday...

So after a very relaxing and fun-filled week in Mexico with the ardilla bonita y su familia (I actually rode a roller coaster... scary), I am ready to get down to business. No more playing around, no more kid gloves, no more undergraduate attitude, and no more sympathy for the profs.

They have decided to make my summer hell, so I will make their's hell as well. Starting with my macro II prof. Mainly because of time constraints (he goes on some seminar tour on the 23rd), but also because the errors he took points off for on my qualifier were... well I would describe them as nit-picking, but he would most likely disagree. For that, he's the first victim. Tomorrow I study purely Macro II, and on Monday, he gets ambushed the second he walks into the office, and won't leave until he's answered all my questions. Oh yes... they will all soon suffer this fate. My week of relaxation and fun is over, and so is there's. Hope they got it while the gettin was good.

Saw "Proof" while in Juarez. I also saw a Kurt Russel movie that needs no mention as it just... well... stank. Anyway, if you haven't seen Proof, I highly recommend it.
If anyone ever wants to get the gist of the structure, confusion, uncertainty, instability, and insanity of higher mathematics, without bogging yourself down in all the actual math, this is a good introduction. Paltrow actually does a decent job, and seems to almost be able to pass herself off as a mathematician (she got the crazy part down). Hopkins is amazing as always, even if he's stark raving mad... or maybe he's at his best when he does that (Silence of the Lambs, that movie about the bear where Alec Baldwin dies -yay!-).
Jake Gyllenhall (aka "Brokeback"), still cannot quite pass himself off as a straight man. Though he does play a good math nerd.

So tomorrow:
Macro II. Bike ride. Study study study. Maybe a few stories from Juarez if I'm feeling the flow of writing. Kind of hard when I have to go the department to get internet connection.

Why is my life so much like a comic strip?

God bless you, Jorge Cham, and you're brilliant comic: www.phdcomics.com
Results:
Macro I : Marginal Pass (almost a strong pass)
Macro II: Marginal Fail (almost a marginal pass)
Micro I: Marginal Pass (go me).
Micro II: Fail (boo to me).
So this is not that surprising really, except that I did not pass the Macro. In fact one of the prof's told me that if I had made the same score in summer, I would pass. Which begs the question: why the hell am I taking it again if I did well enough to pass, even just barely?
"Well, we feel that in the case of May qualifiers, they have a good chance to review and reinforce for June."

... dang it.

I did well on the Micro I, and my prof said that I showed very good improvement. There were still a few issues I had (mainly with the short answer questions) but that he was pleased with my work. My Micro II professor believes that I freaked out due to the final (do we think maybe this has to do with his impossible tests?), focused mostly only Micro I, and neglected (at least did not put the right amount of time into) the Micro II. He also thinks that I tried to answer the wrong questions given the comparison of the final to the qualifier (suggestin I would have done better on the questions I chose to not answer). Well... I thought I'd picked the ones I knew, but okay.

So no one is telling me, "look for other work" at this point. I just got the short end of the stick. Ran into a fellow student who passed the Micro and failed the Macro. So I'm not too alone.

I'm a bit disappointed in my performance. I look back and think "if only I'd studied harder first semester and earlier in the second" but then it also took me that long to really figure out how to study well. And this is not to say I was slacking in the first or second semester. I just didn't find the right rhythm until later on. Jumping from a four year undergraduate to a PhD program is a very frustrating experience. I almost wonder if I should have stayed at KU for two more years to get the MA, and take a few higher level math courses to boot. But so much has happened this year, that I really can't imagine this year turning out any better than it has. Really, this has been one of the best years of my life (does anything beat out the year between being 6 and 7? The world is your oyster, puberty hasn't ravaged your face and voice, school is easy, and the only relationship troubles you have are apologizing to the teacher for making a girl in class scream by showing her a weird bug? ... a good question).

At least now I am moved in. Tomorrow I start studying. Monday I will go to Juarez (until Saturday) because I'm about to go nuts with not seeing the ardilla. In July my sister gets marries, then two weeks later I retake these stupid tests.

My metrics teacher told me in the bathroom, "I'm sorry to hear it, but really this is a blessing in disguise. You'll get a reinforcement that few of your classmates get, and you'll be very ready for the next semester when you pass."
... tell that to the very cute Mexican girl waiting for me in Juarez.

On a last note, I'm honestly relieved. Instead of sitting on my thumbs like a jackass (or sitting on my hooves then?) and waiting for the outcome, I now know what I have to do, I have a plan, and it's time to execute it. That is always better than sitting in a world of uncertainty.