Bad Day.

Background:
My students have to write an individual assignment essay, in which I ask them to pretend they are an economic consultant who is advising an investor on where to put his capital in a Latin American country (they were randomly selected to the country). Their topic statement was due January 28th, which required a brief description of the country and industry (one page maximum) with at least two non-internet citations (so a quote or noting of something said in a paper, including a bibliography).
Their outline is due this Thursday (February 18th), which requires at least 3 more non-internet citations, and is 2 pages (maximum). The full paper is due March 4th. They had two weeks from the initial assignment to write the topic statement, then two weeks to write the outline, and they will have two weeks to turn in the final paper (which is only five to eight pages).

I thought to myself, "in a class full of third, fourth, and fifth year college students, this should be pretty easy for them." Wrong... so... so... horribly... and tragically... wrong.

I think these questions best describe the state of the worst in my class so far:

E-mail conversation:
Student 1:
"I'm confused by what you mean by citation."
Me:
"As in the format?"
Student 1:
"No, I mean what does it mean."
Me:
"Please see the attached link to the wikipedia article."
Student 1:
"So how many citations do we need for the outline?"
Me:
"So at least two non-internet sources were required for the topic statement. Then the directions on Blackboard say you need three more non-internet sources for the outline."
Student 1:
"Yeah, I read that. So how many is that?"

I have yet to write a response, as most of the drafts I have written include several words which I have been expressly prohibited by my employers from using in front of students.

E-mail conversation:
Student 2:
"I cannot find anything on Blackboard about how the paper should be written. I did not turn in my Topic Statement because I was sick."
Me:
"See the Course Documents page on the Blackboard website, and open the file 'Paper Guidelines.'"
Student 2:
"Well that's not very convenient is it? And why didn't you tell us about this in class?*"
*Note: I have shown this document on the projector twice in class, along with instructions on how to get there.

I have yet to write a response, as most drafts I have written include several words about the students upbringing which I have been expressly prohibited by my employers from using in front of students.

(Student 3 dropped by my office; I should note NOT during office hours and did not seem to care that I was doing other things)
Student 3:
"Yeah what's an outline?"
Me:
"You mean the outline you're supposed to be turning in tomorrow?"
Student 3:
"Well yeah, how do I do that?"
Me:
"An outline in general?"
Student 3:
"Yeah."

All 3 of these students are listed as seniors. Jeeeeeeeez...